Dear M #1: Making Moves From a Place of Wisdom
I started this journey not expecting anything from him. Should I just continue that way?
Welcome to Dear M, an advice column where I answer your questions about life, spirituality, and everything in between. In this month’s column, I respond to a single mother of 3 who severed an emotionally violent marriage of 19 years. For eight years, she has been wading through the waters of single parenthood, keeping everything afloat on her own, and is now drowning, wondering whether she should press her ex for support or keep her peace.
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Dear M,
I am a divorcee and single mother to 3 children, one of which is still an adolescent (an amazing 16-year-old who has been my inspiration over the past few years). I experienced a tumultuous divorce about 8 years ago. At that time my primary focus was on the many challenges of severing a 19-year marriage, such as the emotional damage to my children (my youngest son was 17 & my daughter was 8 at that time), how I would navigate life without a partner, where I will live with my children, etc. Additionally, my ex-husband began displaying dangerous and violent behavior towards me, creating unbelievable trauma and psychological injury. I began a journey of soul-searching and working on myself. I started reading self-help books, getting the therapy I needed, and learning how to focus on myself and my needs, which was never an objective of mine in the past. During that time I grew tremendously as a person and I became stronger emotionally. I also focused on my children, gave them love and support, watched my son graduate from college, and poured into our new lives.
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